RAD SYMPTONS IN CHILDREN
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
We live in a detached society. The wonderful world of cyberspace promotes clicking buttons instead of shaking hands. Recorded messages and robots take our phone orders. We email one another instead of calling friends and family on the phone. ATM's do our banking so we don't have to see tellers, and we can grocery shop without human contact over the internet. It's easy to go for days or weeks without personal interaction. We adults have a choice not to be intimate with people, but children especially babies, need human contact to survive. I knew children need constant attention and contact with other human beings because they're unable to look after themselves. But I didn't know how emotionally important this contact was to children until my husband and I adopted Devon at age three. After he developed erratic behaviors, we discovered years later that he had Reactive Attachment Disorder. This occurs when children don't get the contact which helps them develop an attachment to their caretaker. They become extremely demanding and controlling in response to their fears. Emotionally they believe that if they do not control their world then they will die. Devon developed RAD symptoms due to a few reasons that are classic to this disorder. He was born to a drug addicted mother, separated from her at birth, and placed in several different foster care homes by the age of three where he was abused physically and sexually. But RAD symptoms can develop in children who have not had such as traumatic life as Devon. Besides separation from birth mothers, other reasons RAD develops is due to: premature birth hospitalization parents dying postpartum depression in mother multiple caretakers traumatic experience insensitive parenting painful or invasive medical procedures young mother without parenting skills I remember being pregnant and my mother talking to me about how important it was for a mother to be close to her children. But it wasn't until we adopted Devon and after years of searching, identified Devon's behavior as being one of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Attachment is when a special bonding takes place between a child and caretaker during the first couple of years of the child's life. This is when a child gets his needs met by receiving touch, eye contact, smiles and nourishment. Through this interaction, they quickly learn the world is a safe place. But unfortunately, for many children like Devon, they don't get their needs met, and they learn that the world is a unsafe place to live and not to trust. They develop a survival mechanism to stay in control since their needs weren't met as babies. This behavior is extremely difficult for any parent trying to raise a RAD child. These types of children lack the ability to form and maintain loving, intimate relationships. They grow up lacking positive social values and often are aggressive and disruptive with antisocial behaviors. RAD children who have learned that the world is a scary and distrustful place, do not respond well to traditional therapy or parenting since both rely on trust which the RAD child lacks. The pain of trying to help Devon was not only frustrating but agonizing. This is why this site was developed. I know there are many parents who are going through the pain, agony and anger of trying to help a child that pushes you away. You must, and I cannot stress this enough, you must take care of yourself. I have found the ancient practice of mindfulness to be my salvation along with prayer. It allowed me to stay calm, and to develop tolerance, patience, and an inner wisdom that directed me to the right place to get Devon help. If you suspect your child has RAD, find therapists who specialize in this disorder. Here are the classic RAD symptoms in children: Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older Trouble understanding cause and effect Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things Lying for no apparent reason Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent's terms Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith False allegations of abuse Destructive to property or self Constant chatter; nonsense questions Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills Developmental / Learning delays Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners Attitude of entitlement and self-importance Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other A darkness behind the eyes when raging Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat Triangulation (trying to divide parents)
RAD is very difficult, but I believe it's an opportunity for us as parents to get closer to our spiritual selves. RAD can be healed. Keep the faith and use this experience to help you develop inner peace. Blessings, light and love to you and yours, Janet Alston Jackson |
