Finding Peace Raising a RAD Child

Dear Parent/Guardian,

I know the deep pain that you must be feeling trying to raise a RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) child. You have tried so hard to do the right thing, but it seems never to be enough. The isolation and the frustration can be overwhelming. I know, I've been there. But let me assure you, that there is hope for you and your child during these difficult times.

I have often thought that raising my adopted son Devon was harder than dealing with death. When my mother and other close family members died, my grief was excruciating. But thankfully, time healed that pain and the grief turned into fond, loving memories. Living with Devon, there seemed to be no end to the pain of trying to help someone who rejects your love. The grieving for him never stopped until I learned the lesson of how to die myself. How to die to high standards. How to die to what society says my kid should act like. How to die to what I believed my child should be like, and most of all, how to die to the perfect parent mold. My child was simply not like other children.

I learned that it's our attachment to our ideas and beliefs that creates suffering in our lives, and when I learned to die daily to them, I found a deep, inner peace. Dying is called surrendering, but not giving in or giving up on parenting a RAD child. I was not giving up hope for Devon either. I was merely dying, or surrendering to the pain of holding on to my ego mind. You see our egos love chaos, and that's how it survives. And what better way to have chaos but to raise a RAD child. I could almost see my ego jumping up and down applauding when Devon was acting out of his disorder. I had to learn not to act on my hurt feelings and thoughts attached to Devon's actions. I had to learn to observe these frustrating parent thoughts and feelings without judgment. It's called living mindfully, or living in the moment.

When I did take each moment as it came, Devon's behavior didn't change, but my inner turmoil and pain changed. I was no longer manipulated by Devon's actions. Something miraculous also happened. For the first time, I was living in the peaceful eye of the hurricane watching stuff swirl all around me, but not gobbling me up. Another wonderful transformation occurred. An inner wisdom developed and I now found new directions and new ways to help Devon.

My book, "A Cry for Light: A Journey into Love," talks about this long journey, and how Devon and I healed from the grips of RAD. You and your child can too. I believe our RAD children were put in our lives for our spiritual growth, and to teach us how to really love ourselves. It is my deepest prayer that reading this book will save you from the painful steps that I learned the hard way.

Love, Light and Blessings