Janet A Jackson |Nurturing Parents and Child Workers for Inner Peace|

Parent Advocacy Understanding Behavioral Styles
To Advocate for your child.

Janet Alston Jackson

For years, my husband and I have trained employees and executive management on effective communications. We taught them how to read others by identifying their behavioral styles to build their teams within their companies. But it wasn't until we adopted Devon did this information on behavioral styles, become crucial to me as a parent.

When Devon came to live with us at age three, I needed to play catch up to understand his personality. The three lost years that he was in foster care was a crucial period when a parent learns their child has needs and wants. Since Devon was abused physically and sexually in foster care, learning his behavioral style was imperative to helping him to trust us. And when Devon began to exhibit behavioral problems stemming from reactive attachment disorder (RAD), I found myself constantly advocating for him. Knowing how to "read" others helped me to get help for him.

Over the years, we have dragged Devon to 25 different therapists before he was finally diagnosed with RAD. We found ourselves in the usual conflicts between parents and school officials, which is normal and predictable. Like most parents, we wanted the "best" services for Devon. But sometimes school officials are only required to provide "appropriate" services for children with disabilities, and are most concerned about balancing their budgets. Armed with the information on behavioral styles, helped us to avoid many of these conflicts, and minimize others.

When I became a court appointed special advocate for abused and neglected children for the Los Angeles Superior Children's court, the largest of its' kind in the nation, again I found that reading people helped me to get services for children without parents. There's a lot of red tape in government offices that I had to cut through to help these children who were lost in the system, and understanding behavioral styles was a key.

So what are these behavioral styles that I needed to remember in advocating for Devon and other children? Basically, there are four major styles. We are a composite of all four but many people exhibit strong tendencies of at least one style that are easily identifiable.

Dominance: Direct and Decisive. "D's are strong-willed, strong-minded people who like accepting challenges, taking action and getting immediate results. "D's are motivated by challenges, power and authority. They like direct answers and they fear losing control.

Influence: Optimistic and Outgoing. "I's" are 'people people' who like participating on teams, sharing ideas and energizing and entertaining others. They are motivated by social recognition, freedom of expression and freedom from control and detail. They fear disapproval from others.

Steadiness: Sympathetic and Cooperative. "S's are helpful people who like working behind the scenes, performing in consistent and predictable ways, and being good listeners. "S's" are motivated by stability and sincere appreciation. They fear loss of stability and the unknown.

Conscientiousness: Concerned and Correct. "C's" are sticklers for quality and like planning ahead, employing systematic approaches, and checking and re-checking for accuracy. "C's" are motivated by quality and accuracy. They fear criticism and slipshod methods, emotions out of control.

Advocating for your child requires you standing up for him/her because often they are not able to tell others what they need. They may not know themselves. But you as a parent has the language to express your child's needs. Armed with information on behavioral styles, not only will you understand you and your child better, but you can effectively communicate with others to get your families' needs met.

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